i doubt that anyone goes on xanga anymore. but hey, what the heck. so lately ive just been analyzing so many things. when it comes to friendships, i am always really sensitive and that's because i have a lot of expectations from people that i consider to be "friends" and out of friendships in general. i believe that i try really freaken hard to put effort into friendships and treating my friends really well. that being said, it's so hurtful when no effort is given back. i just realized though, that it really isn't any of my girlfriends that are like this. it is only the guys! i think i just have to accept that guys just don't see friendship the same way. that's so hard though, because i feel like guys can be great and amazing and so thoughtful..but it's apparently really selective. i.e. - when they need something or not to everyone, just a select few. i'm not saying every guy is like this, a couple of you guys are really good about calling me and seeing how i'm doing and wanting to hang out and you have no idea how much i appreciate it. but, im talking the majority here. it's especially difficult, because i used to have more guy friends than girls and i used to be closer to my guy friends than my girl friends. and now, i feel like i can only trust and receive effort from my girls. what's the point in all this? i just needed to explain. i've been feeling "off" for the past two years now and i've only now begun to understand and to really make an effort not to care. it's time for hermit mode. i really don't feel like seeing or talking to anyone. unless you play tennis. or are leaving town for awhile. or its your birthday. or if you make a huge effort to see me---i don't really want to see you or talk to you. don't take it personally, for those who actually care. i'm just going through some weird ass time. so there is my explanation. goodbye for now! | 
